Early in the morning, I was sitting on a school bench, alone. Who in the world enjoys being alone at seven o’clock in the morning? Me.
I was holding a can of cold coffee. I sipped some and looked around. There were a few students walking around but not as much as it will be when the clock hits 9 o’clock.
My eyes kept on wandering around the whole garden.
“Boo!” someone shouted from behind me which startled me that I almost jumped off of my seat.
I turned and saw Travis. He was grinning like a maniac and I probably looked annoyed than ever. But I have to admit that it was nice that he was not just in my dreams anymore.
“Why on Earth are you alone this early?” he asked.
“None of your business, Wallace.” I said.
He sat beside me and I felt his hand holding mine then squeezed it.
“I have to get something.” I said.
“Want me to come with you?” he asked.
I was about to say “No thank you” when I realized how weird that will sound so I said “Yes” instead.
My idea of “getting something” was actually, buying another cold coffee.
“You know what coffee does to you.” He scolded.
“And I don’t care.” I said and then rolled my eyes to the opposite direction as I grabbed the cold coffee and paid.
“What’s with you today?” he asked.
I shrugged then walked away, sipping my cold coffee.
After the incident about my father, I changed in different ways. My mom was always busy; my father replaced me for evil Angelica’s unborn child, how amazing could that be? Super amazing!
The only great thing in my life was having Travis beside me anytime but there were times wherein I wish I could just kick him out of the door because he annoys me, a lot.
“Talk to me when you’re okay, okay?” he said.
“’Kay.” I replied then walked to my first class.
The day went well. I was still this sad girl who walked along the halls of Crestview High with her head hung low.
Smiling, I made my way towards the back building and sat on a creaky bench. I was hoping I won’t fall. I was reading a good book, alone. I shifted a little from my seat and I heard it creak. Why on Earth won’t they replace this creaky bench? Were they preserving it? If they were, then that was stupid. If a fat kid sits on that, it’ll fall to pieces. Okay, that was rude but it’s true.
When I shifted, once again, it creaked but not the “it’s-still-okay kind” of creak; it was the “you-are-about-to-fall” kind of creak and so my eyes widened and in a snap, the bench gave off and I fell on my butt on the hard ground.
“Damn.” I muttered under my breath as I stood up and brushed off my jeans.
I heard someone laughing softly, at first, I thought it was Travis but when I turned, I saw Daniel—the guy who broke my heart and left me for the school’s biggest bitch, Nathalie.
“What do you want?” I asked.
He shrugged, “I was looking for you and planned on talking to you and here I am, I found you.”
“Why were you looking for me?” I asked.
“Oh nothing.” He said with a grin—that certain grin that can never be mistaken for something else, he was up to something.
“If you’re here to annoy me then leave me alone. I am not in the mood for your sick games.” I said through gritted teeth.
“I heard that you like that new kid, Travis, right?”
My lips felt glued. How on earth did he know such thing? No one, even my best friend, Crystal, knew about it.
“H-How did you know that?” Damn that! I stammered. It wasn’t supposed to come out as a stammer. I sounded so damn weak. I sounded so vulnerable and that was what he was expecting me to be and I can’t give him such satisfaction.
“Oh I have my sources, Cal.” He said teasingly.
“What’s going on here?” that voice. That voice was something I was expecting to hear ever since Daniel appeared.
“Oh hey dude. We were just talking about you.” Daniel said.
“What about me?” Travis asked, obviously confused.
“Haven’t you heard that Cal, over here, likes you?” those words slipped out of Daniel’s lips smoothly and I was there, standing like a statue as he spilled my secret.
“Shut up, Daniel.” I muttered.
“I know that.” Travis said.
That froze me. He knew it all along. How? Was I that obvious? No. No. No. That was just not happening! Travis knew my secret!
They were arguing and I was frozen beside Travis like nothing was happening.
“Cal, wake up and accept that this loser over here won’t love you the way you do.” Daniel said.
Calypso, wake up! Say something, I ordered myself. Nothing happened. I was still frozen in place.
“Who said I won’t love her the way she does? No one!” Travis exclaimed.
“You don’t have to say that.” I muttered. I hope he heard that.
“Just fuck off, dude.” Travis said.
“I’ll be watching the two of you.” Daniel said.
My heart was thumping so loud that I haven’t noticed the beaded sweat on my forehead.
My hands were sweaty and I was a little shaky. Little breaths escaped my lips and I looked down. I felt like crying and it felt like I was going to faint any moment.
Travis didn’t say anything and just left me like I wasn’t there.
The day went on. Even just a single touch on any bare part of my body made me flinch, thinking that it might be Daniel or Travis.
When I went home, all I did was stare at nothingness. Being alone in that house was sort of helpful. There was no one blabbering or annoying me and so I can do whatever I want to and I decided to do nothing.
I grabbed my mp3 player and plugged it to the speakers and shuffled my playlist. Hitting the play button was my biggest mistake because it played a song that made me frozen, I’d Lie by Taylor Swift.
♪♫♪He sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine♪♫♪
That was what I did most of the time, wish that he was mine. I was in love with him. Thinking that he will never be mine made me felt numb.
I shook my head to wake myself from my deep thought about Travis. I smiled and walked to the bathroom and took a warm shower. It was enough to make me think of a new storyline.
I wrote my idea in my idea notebook and then I sat on my bed, grabbed a pen and paper and started my first rough draft.
A couple of pages after, I felt tired and had to stop writing.
Doing nothing other than sitting on a chair and staring at a glass of water made me think of Travis more and more and that was something I never wanted. I didn’t want to think of him but I did. Stupid boredom.
The next day was the worst day in my life. I was getting a few things for my next class when I saw Carissa and Travis, walking—holding hands.
I stood there, frozen. My heart was thumping and there was nothing I could do but to smile and congratulate him. He has finally found the love of his life.
Who wouldn’t love Carissa? She’s the prettiest and most popular girl in school. She broke a lot of guys’ hearts and still, everyone still wanted her to be their girlfriend.
Well, that is how things go in the real world, right? How can a girl like me who doesn’t look as good as Carissa get an amazing guy like Travis? I should stop talking about Travis, now?
Why did I even fell for Travis? I have no idea.
Why not Louis? Oh I know, because he’s Travis’ cousin and I don’t really know him that well but I admit he’s cute.
I never cared about any other guys after constantly dreaming of Travis. I got to admit that I was never the kind of girl who looked for new guys once I lost the one I loved. I was completely loyal and I hated it. Being loyal made me look like a complete fool. I made a fool of myself for loving someone who wouldn’t love me back. I made a fool of myself when I waited for someone to court me, which ended horribly. I made a complete fool of myself when I thought Travis and I would end up the way we almost did in my dreams—but same as my dreams, it wasn’t just meant to be. I’m a fool.
The real world isn’t like those in the books I read. Maybe some lives end up the way it did in the books or movies but obviously not mine.
In the real world, we can’t just sit and wait for things to happen all the time. There won’t be an author to write how things will go. There won’t be a director to tell us what to do. There would be just you and your wits—me and my wits.
In the real world, to make things go your way, you have to do something—I have to do something.
In books and movies, the one they love loves them back before the movie ends. In reality, it takes a whole lot of heartbreaks, heartaches, tears, and ice cream before the right one appears in your front door—in my front door.
For the past two weeks, my dream didn’t change. It was always the same thing. I was starting to fear closing my eyes and drifting to sleeps. My dreams were supposed to be my safe haven but it has been an awful place to be lately.
It was in the school’s gym. I was standing far from the crowd, who were enjoying the dance. After a while, the dance song melted to a slow song—one of my favorite songs. I didn’t know why but they cleared the dance floor. Everyone left but Carissa and Travis, slow dancing at the middle of the dance floor. His arms were gently wrapped around her while her arms were wrapped around his neck. I was left there, watching them enjoy that slow dancing while I silently wish to be in Carissa’s place.
When my eyes fluttered open, I couldn’t be any happier. My dreams were a horrible place to stay now. The place where I was supposed to have everything I want was crushed. It disappeared and became a field of nightmares.
For almost a month, I wasn’t able to see Travis that much until one Saturday. I was at the school’s garden, reviewing for a Science quiz. He sat beside me but I just ignored him. I wasn’t in the mood to hear anything about him and Carissa but what the hell, right? He had to sit beside me.
“How have you been?” he asked. He sounded so guilty.
“Fine.” I didn’t ask how he was because I wasn’t ready to have a conversation regarding his happy relationship with Carissa. I wasn’t ready to know that he was happy.
“We haven’t talked a lot lately.” He said. He was obviously trying hard to talk to me. He must have finally noticed that our friendship was starting to fall down.
“It’s fine. I have been busy lately.” I said.
“No. You have been avoiding me.” He said.
“Why would I?” I asked. He shrugged. He did sense that I was keeping my distance. I haven’t called him or texted him.
“Cal, is something wrong?” he asked. He moved a little closer to me. Close enough that our knees touched.
“Honestly, there is.” I looked at him and his eyes did the job for him—his eyes asked me what my problem was.
“You found the love of your life, Trav. I sit around, loving you silently while you show everyone how much you are in love with Carissa. It hurts but I don’t have the right to be like this. I’m just your best friend. That’s it. But I want you to know that I am deeply in love with you.” I hated myself for crying in front of him but I couldn’t bring myself to stop. All I could think of is how painful it was to see them together. Even the thought of them being together made me want to scream and throw my things across the room.
“I’m in love with you.” He said it slowly, giving a sweet emphasis on the word “you.” I was shocked. I looked at him, confused, and waited for him to tell me he was kidding or that it was a part of a lame prank but he didn’t say anything. He just smiled at me.
“Carissa used to date Louis, you know that.” I nodded.
“She hurt Louis.” I nodded again.
Everyone is school knew about Louis and Carissa. They were a perfect couple until Carissa cheated. Louis’s “fan club” got mad and wanted to take down Carissa but they never had a chance to.
“I was told to date her and then break her heart.” He said.
“It was all a plan?” I asked.
He nodded, “I don’t love Carissa. I love you.”
I didn’t know if I should be happy or be sad—happy that he loves me or sad that he was going to hurt a girl, even if it was Carissa.
“When would that deal be over?” I asked.
“It already is. You have no idea how sad I was when you weren’t talking to me.” He said. I smiled.
“Calypso, would you be my girlfriend?”
My mouth opened but no sound came out. My voice was shoved down to my feet. It seemed like I forgot how to speak so I just nodded.
He hugged me. I hugged him back. It felt so good being held in his arms. He held my hand and together while we were walking along the hall, I saw Carissa and her messed up make up. She looked like she did a lot of crying. Everyone was enjoying the show. For once, it was Carissa who was dumped.
What used to be my Paradise became a field of nightmares but then reality seemed to be much better.