Bitterness used to be a thing of the past. I thought sweetness was my new trending topic. I should have known better than dating my best friend, Abigail. As best friends, her attitude and habits were tolerable. As a couple, what used to be okay became the source of our daily arguments.
“Why weren’t you replying since this morning? I have been worried sick.” I tried to appear calm but it was a challenge.
She looked at me in disbelief. “I can’t always reply. Your texts don’t require replies anyway.”
“A single reply would be nice. Just tell me how you’re doing. You know I worry too much. Do you have any idea how my anxiety level rises when you don’t reply?”
“Don’t you trust me?”
“I fucking do. This is not even about trust. This is about you not replying even just the word ‘okay’ or a fucking emoticon. Just a sign that you’re okay.”
“Why won’t I be okay?”
“I don’t fucking know. Maybe you’ll get sick or hurt or anything! This world is a fucked-up place and all I’m asking is reassurance that you’re fine, because if something bad happens to you, I could never forgive myself for it.”
“Just trust me.”
“I trust you. It’s them that I don’t trust.”
That night, she slept in my room. I wasn’t able to sleep. I plugged in my earphones and played my “Sinking…”playlist.
For almost two months, I have been constantly pleading for her to reply even a non-sense but just wouldn’t.
I loved her but I was slowly getting tired of pleading for the things I shouldn’t plead to have. Even as best friends before, she has been really the hard one to contact, but I thought it would be different as a couple. I was wrong. I expected too much.
I wanted to give up but seeing her sleep so peacefully made me feel like there was still hope. One more chance for us.
For a week, she never replied to any of my messages—text or online. I would see her online but I would never get a reply.
“We need to talk.” I felt guilty for the cold voice, for like a second.
“What’s up?” she cheerfully asked with a wide smile.
I only had a few courage left in my system. Without giving second thoughts, “I think we should break-up. Maybe we’re better off as best friends rather than a couple.”
She looked shocked for a while then sad. “Ohh. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I just don’t think this is going well. I keep on begging for everything.”
“I know. I’m guilty already. I’m sorry.”
That was all she could say. Well, at least I freed myself from such a toxic relationship.