By: WisdomDeath (Four)
"Love is full of shit." Travis said.
"I know. But Trav, don't you want to have this one special person who would never leave you?" I asked him.
He has blue eyes, all so cool and calm. He looks at me with those eyes and I start to feel that warm feeling that makes my mouth shut like it's glued.
"I don't need that, Calypso. I have my friends, family, you." he said as he lifted his chin up and stared at the night sky with his hands locked behind his neck.
"You do need it." I said.
His mouth was about to open to say something but the scene faded as my eyes fluttered open and I grunted.
Waking each morning, grunting because all of the things are back to the way it is--messed up, crazy, and REAL.
I was once this little girl who was crazy about fairy tales. Buying every book about fairy tales was what I always did. Sitting on my bed and reading those books over and over again then thinking about what my happy ever after will be—such a dream for a young dreamer.
I grew up into a young lady and I was still wondering who my Prince Charming would be or how my story will end.
I was already sixteen but I still collect fairy tales books. I never got tired reading the same stories over and over again. The princess faces a problem that messed her relationship with her family, she sneaks and gets what she wants, something or someone messes with them, she gets the prince, and they live happily ever after.
If life could be just like in those stories, it would be wonderful. Everything will end up the way we want it to be. We get problems but we can figure out the solution in a matter of days or just a few minutes.
I was a five year old kid when I first saw my parents fighting. I was peeking through my door, hearing them argue about something I can barely remember. My heart was thumping with fear and I was crying hard as I approached to wall that was the only thing left to separate my small self from my arguing parents. I peeked and saw my mom's cheeks shiny with all the tears streaming down her cheeks like waterfall. I covered my mouth with my hand to stop my mouth from releasing a single sound that may send a signal to them that I was peeking. My father was pointing at my mom and accused her of something. I continued to peek. When my mom's voice got louder, I flinched and ran back to my room. I remember crying myself to sleep.
When my parents separated, I was so mad at the two of them. I expected life to be wonderful as what mom has told me when I was a kid. They separated and it ruined my very own image of my happy ever after.
After their separation, I was left with my mom. I cry myself to sleep every single night and I had the same dream--well, the concept of it.
The first one went like this:
I came back to the night my parents were arguing, and I was peeking. They were arguing and I was crying when a faint light appeared at the corner. I turned and saw the light going brighter. Out of curiosity, I ran towards the light and the bright light took me somewhere. My eyes were hurting because of the bright light but when my eyes adjusted, I saw that I was somewhere I always dreamed to be in--paradise, just like where the princesses in those stories were. I looked around and everything was just wonderful.
There were trees, and flowers of every kind of every color, birds chirping sweet melodies, and there was a lake across the bridge.
A smile was painted perfectly on my lips. I ran to the bridge and towards the lake. I heard myself giggle and jumped into the lake. I have never felt that happy in my life.
I was aware that it was a dream and if sleeping meant being in that paradise, I would sleep all-day long and wouldn't want to wake up but dreams weren't meant to last forever. I woke up with a smile but it melted to a frown when I realized that I was back in reality--the nightmare.
My lips stayed curled to a frown upon realizing that I was supposed to be with my dad that day. I took a warm bath and packed a few clothes enough for a week stay at my father's place.
I don't hate my father. I actually don't mind the divorce. I mean, look at it this way, what if they continue being together but all they do is argue and blame? Wouldn't you want them to just separate than see them always fighting? It would break you, me, even more to see them saying rude things to each other.
My father used to tell me, "You're my only angel. Always remember that, Calypso."
I used to smile every time he says that but after their divorce, I felt tears welling at the corner of my eyes when I remembered him saying those words to me.
I waited for him to come pick me up but he told me that he was in a very important meeting so he told me to ride a cab to his place and his new wife, Angelica, would be there.
Yes, he got married again. Two months after he and mom got divorced, he married my mom's best friend, Angelica—such an angelic name for an evil woman like her. Trust me, she's not as angelic as you think she is with that name where she masked her evilness.
I arrived at his place after an hour of cab ride. And there was nothing better than a good rest and a glass of cold water.
I knocked on the door with a frown still painted on my face. When the door opened, I didn't bother putting a smile because it was just Angelica, not my father. From the inside, I heard a shout and I couldn't have mistaken it for anyone's voice--it was definitely my father's voice.
I put on a straight face as I walked inside their house with a bag full of clothes and another bag of my books.
"Calypso, I'm sorry I didn't get to pick you up." my father said.
"It's fine dad." I said and faked a smile.
He blew me off a few times and I still can't bear the pain of being blown off by my own father. Was it that painful? Yes.
Angelica led me to the room where I'll stay for the week. My dad probably insisted that her only angel should have a room in his new house.
"Try not to ruin it." She said.
"I'll try my best not to." I answered. She left and I entered the room.
The room was painted with my favorite color--Caribbean Blue. I looked around and spotted a book shelf. A faint smile crossed my lips. Good thing he remembered those simple things.
I placed the books on the shelf and took a nap.
Once again, I ran away from the cold, cruel reality and ran to the Paradise.
The Paradise I entered in my dreams is different every time I sleep.
In one of my Paradise trip, my parents didn't separate, they don't even argue--they always agree with each other. Angelica didn't exist in our lives.
"I don't." Travis said.
It was the cut part of my dream.
"It's all crap and falling in love is not my thing." he said.
The sky was still dark and he was still staring at the night sky.
Travis thought love is just a bag of shit ever since he got hurt (at least that's what he said before in my other dreams.) by a girl that he loved so much.
"Believe what you want to believe Trav." I said.
There was a moment of silence. Neither of us spoke. I stared at the sky just like he was.
"What is something you don't like about a person?" I asked out of the blue.
"No sense of humor." he said.
"Oh. So you don't like me?" I said.
He looked at me and our eyes met. His eyes weren't as calming as it was before. Was it anger? No. It was confusion.
"How can you say so?" he asked then raised an eyebrow at me.
"I am a gloomy girl who rarely smiles, rarely laugh, who keeps herself inside her own walls. I see no humor in it." I said then looked away.
"You smile. You laugh. Usually when you're with me." he said.
I don't know, I thought.
I never noticed that I smiled or laughed when I was with him. I just knew I enjoyed his company.
"Maybe I do but not very often." I said.
"You always do." he said then smiled.
Before he could finish what he was about to say, my eyes fluttered open. Someone was knocking on my door.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"It's me angel."
It was my father. I stood up and opened the door. He told me it was time for dinner.
We ate in silence. My father and Angelica exchanged glances once in a while but I ignored them. If I opened my mouth, we will probably have an argument while eating and that's not nice.
I was so excited to sleep that I forgot to close the lights. I laid there and after just a few blinks, I fell asleep.
The scene changed. It was not where I got cut off.
I looked around. I was pretty sure I was in a café. A part of me was sad because I didn't get to hear Travis' unfinished statement and a part of me was excited on what will happen.
I was sitting at a table set for two. That's a sign, I think.
"Hey." a voice said.
I was pretty sure who that was. With that manly voice, it was so obvious.
I turned to see who it was and I wanted to clap and praise myself for guessing correctly.
"Hey Trav." I greeted with a smile plastered on my face.
"Are you with someone?" he asked.
"What? No. I'm alone." I answered.
He was wearing a grey shirt with a pair of jeans. His brown hair was in its usual messy do. He has this smirk stretched across his lips that made him look even more handsome.
"What's a beautiful girl doing here?" he asked. I feared that my cheeks turned red.
"I don't know." I really don't. I mean, I entered my Paradise and it took me there.
"Waiting for your Prince Charming?" he said then looked at me.
"What? No. I don't believe in those icky fairy tales stuff the way you don't believe in love." I answered. It’s true. I don’t believe in those fairy tales, well, not anymore.
He looked at me. Our eyes met. I was supposed to feel calm but I felt sadness. The sad look on his eyes was unmistakable. That look on his eyes made him look like a kid begging for a lollipop.
It made me remember about the times I looked at the mirror after crying for the whole night because of a guy.
I loved this one guy who fooled me. I'm stupid, I know. I liked a couple more guys but I think we all know how it ended, they didn't like me back. Well, who in the world cares? No one. I don't either.
And there came Travis, in my dreams, forever in my dreams. If I could wish for him to be a real guy, I would have but that is definitely silly.
"I'm sorry." I said.
It was wrong of me to open up the love thing. I mean, he's the type of guy who talks about his feelings but not so often.
"It's fine. So, do you want coffee?" he offered. I nodded, of course.
He ordered my favorite and he did the same for himself. While we were waiting, we talked about his visit to France. He even spoke French.
Our order was served and we both talked and finished our coffees. He was smiling a lot and that sweet smile covered the sadness in his eyes perfectly.
"Want to go for a walk first?" he asked. It felt like my lips were glued and so I just nodded.
Like the usual, we headed to the park. We were walking side by side. I felt how warm he was when our hands slid past each other.
"Do you remember when I said I never wanted to be in a relationship?" he asked.
"Yes." I said and I nodded.
How can I even forget that moment? It was the day before my birthday. Well, that was what happened in my dream the day before my birthday.
"Then you told me how I should take a chance at love. You know, loving another person who would put up with all my shit and would never leave me." he said.
Yes, I said all those things to him. He kept on telling me that love is nothing because his friends and family are there with him but we all know that they have their own lives and there will be times that they won't have enough time to comfort him and such.
I didn't speak.
"I think about what you said almost every day and I finally understood."
I kept quiet.
He stopped walking. I continued to walk but he stopped me by grabbing my wrist. He pulled me gently to face him.
"You finally woke yourself up, Trav." I said with a smile.
"I finally did..." he paused. He placed his hand gently on my cheek and made me look at him straight to his eyes--they were blue."...because of you." he continued.
He leaned closer.
Our lips were about to touch when the scene shattered as my eyes fluttered open with the loud knock on my door.
I grunted as I stomped my way to the door.
"What?" I exclaimed.
"I have to talk to you." my father said.
I calmed down a little bit. I followed him to his study room. My heart started to thump louder.
He sat down on the chair and I noticed the frame that has my picture. He always told me how special I was. Although I can't see my picture because the frame's back was facing me.
"What is it?" I asked impatiently.
He slowly faced the frame to me. The picture of me was no longer there. It now shows a picture from an ultra-sound.
"Angelica's pregnant." he said.
"Yeah. I see. And you have to replace my picture with the ultra-sound result. How wonderful is that? Perfect." I said then stood up.
"You're mad just because of that?" he asked. There was a tinge of unfamiliar anger in his voice that lit up the anger inside me.
"You told me I am you're only angel. Sorry if I am being selfish but that's the only thing I was holding on for from you. You and mom separated. You took the perfect family I was expecting. You got married with that Angelica. You took away my tiny hope that you and mom might get back together. Now you took my picture away from that frame. You fired me from being your only angel. Thanks dad." I said.
I said it calmly but I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. It was just painful.
I felt as fragile as a butterfly flying around and what he did, he broke me into pieces.
The next things were a blur--it all happened quickly.
I packed my bag and took a cab to the park—for some fresh air. I just need to think without my mom scolding me and telling me how selfish I was being and I can't stay at my father's house. I can no longer handle the pain and anger inside me.
I went home after a few minutes of thinking but mom wasn't home. I went to sleep but it wasn't what I expected it to be. I was dreamless.
A few more days passed and I was still dreamless.
No more happy ending for me.
The next day, I went to the cafe.
The cafe was almost full and I was sitting at a table set for two--which reminded me of Travis.
"Is this seat taken?" he asked.
I shook my head 'no' and continued reading.
He sat on the chair across from mine. After a few minutes, I recognized his voice, it was like Travis'.
I looked at the guy and my eyes were wide like an owl's, probably. He looked exactly like Travis.
He has the same brown messy hair, blue eyes and he was wearing the exact grey shirt Travis was wearing in my last dream.
"Oh did I disturb you?" he asked. I can't open my mouth and answer so I shook my head 'no' again.
"What's your name?" he asked.
"C-Calypso." I stammered. I wanted to slap myself for stammering like that.
"I'm Travis." he said.
The sun shone on me. Maybe I will have a happy ending even without my Paradise.