Wake Me Up When It’s Raining
Everything was blurry the moment I woke up. I could hear the pouring rain outside. I kept still as if the tiniest movement I would make could shift the world. I closed my eyes, savoring the sound of every drop of the rain.
I slipped out of my bed and took a warm shower. I wore the navy blue polo shirt she bought me for my birthday. I drove to where she was, hoping that there were only few people there. I opened my umbrella and walked towards her. It has been a week since I last visited her. I crouched low, so that I could be closer.
“Hi there.” I said, forcing a smile on my face. “I’m sorry I didn’t visit you yesterday when I told you I would.” I paused, clearing my throat. My voice was starting to shiver and that was something I never wanted her to hear. “Mom’s starting to talk to me again. She’s also starting to cook again. I know you missed her cooking.” I smiled. Now, it wasn’t forced.
And then there was silence. I didn’t know what to say next. I wasn’t sure if I should even stay longer. My heart was starting to ache. The silence was deafening.
“I miss you. I love you.” I whispered and kissed her.
I went straight home and caged myself in my room. Without changing my clothes, I went to the window, watching the rain.
I hated rain because the road turns wet and slippery. Time came and the rain became a good friend of mine. More likely, it was my best friend. It joined me in my misery. It didn’t smile because she stopped talking to me. It comforted me.
The next day, it was raining again. I smiled a little before I went in for my first class. I half-listened to the profressors. During my last class, I am pretty sure that I didn’t even listen to a word he said. I was too busy counting down the remaining minutes before he dismisses us.
“Dude, we’re going to grab a couple of drinks. Wanna come?” Clarence, my best friend, asked. I shook my head, giving him the look. When he smiled, I knew that he got what I was talking about.
I rushed to buy a bouquet of red roses before heading to her. Before I started to walk towards her, I looked up and smiled at the sky even if it was drizzling.
“Thank you for not shining down here.” I whispered.
I handed her the roses, “Happy first anniversary, Trish.” I smiled.
“We’ve been through a lot but we’re still here. We’re going strong.” I breathed heavily. “Clarence and Ish told me to tell you that they miss you. They actually wanted to come with me today but they had something to do.” I started to caress her. “I miss your voice. I hope you’d talk to me.” My voice broke. No matter how much I try, my best isn’t just good enough. I was starting to lose my strength whenever I see her. “I love you.”
I didn’t want her to see me cry so I ran, not knowing where I would end up. All I knew was that I needed to run. I needed to be far from her, even just for a while. I stopped, finding myself in the parking lot.
The rain started to pour heavier. I screamed as loud as I can. Tears started to roll down my cheeks. It wasn’t obvious because the rain was washing them down. That was another thing I love about the rain, crying isn’t obvious. I let it wash my tears but it failed washing the pain.
I miss her voice. I miss the touch of her skin. I miss her laugh. I miss her smile. I miss her.
I pulled myself together, appearing so strong when inside, I was breaking. I was breaking each time I go near her gravestone, talking to her as if she would answer when I knew she wouldn’t. I wouldn’t hear her voice. I kiss that stone, hoping it was her face. I leave flowers, wishing to see her smile once she hold it. I go there every time it’s raining because the rain speaks for my feelings every single time I wake up, having to remind myself that she’s gone—that I couldn’t hold her in my arms. It breaks me that I had to walk to the future without her but I know she wouldn’t want me to mope around. I stand strong every day, moving forward, for her. I kneel down, crying, every night, letting myself be fragile.
I love her so much. Too much that it hurts.