Staring At You : "Love Letter"

“Staring at You”

(Love Letter : Larah's POV)

“Why Larah?” Kyle asked.

“Um…” I opened my mouth getting ready to tell him how much I like him but the words are jammed in my throat. “Nothing.” I bitterly mumbled as I shifted my attention around our empty classroom.

“Thanks for helping me. You can leave now.” I prayed he would just follow me and go.

“Alright,” he said, his right hand at his pocket while his left hand ran through his hair. “See you tomorrow, bye!” Then he smiled.  He went outside, leaving me alone by myself.

In the silence that followed, I settled back into my seat and a flash of annoyance curled up my lips. I pulled on my fingers, beat my chest and head with my fist. “Stupid Larah!”

That was the greatest, rarest moment for me to confess, but I chose to slip it up.

“Tomorrow!” I roared, and glanced outside the window as I saw Kyle’s figure towards the school gate. “Tomorrow for sure, I’ll confess!”

But for a hundred, maybe a thousand times, I’m unable to tell him about my secret endearment.

I began to like him during a dodge ball game when we were in freshman year. I was never athletic but I had to join the match, and Kyle and I were on the same team.

Each time I tried not to be eliminated, I would flip on the floor banging my knee hard. I don’t really care if people were laughing at how ridiculously clumsy I was during that time, but every time I tumbled, Kyle was there hauling me up again and again, displaying his gentleness that shines through me.

It wasn't the first because there was also a time when he stood up for me during an awkward situation in front of our male classmates during junior year.

Kyle is popular not only at class but in the entire school, and the way he treats others with his kindness is nothing different from the way he approaches me. However, I can never blame myself for falling for him, and that sometimes I imagine that the way he acts towards me is somewhat sweeter and extra special.

In my bed the following day, I gazed at a letter that was resting atop of my right side table. It was a love letter written since the time I can no longer remember. I held the letter in my palms, and maybe I wrote it two or three or a thousand years ago. But one thing is for sure, “I better give this to him now!”

“Good morning!” Kyle was bright and wonderful as usual! He heartily greeted everyone in the class, and exhibited his natural heavenly smile. All the girls were pink in admiration, so as the boys in jealousy.

Then he went closer, not towards at me, but towards our classmate sitting behind me. I struggled to calm myself the entire time I’m hearing his voice as he stood just a couple of inch away from me.

How I wanted to reach him, talk to him, but I’m cracked up with panic. I decided to keep myself busy by pretending I’m reading a book I bought two or three weeks ago.

“Hey Larah!” He paused, tapped me gently at my back. “Good morning!”

“G… good… morning!” I echoed, gasping air. I sounded crazier so I gripped the book tighter, stared at him for a moment then looked away.

At the corner of my eyes, I saw Kyle rubbed his hands together, and then pulled a chair from the side so he could sit beside me. A silent moan burst out from me. “Oh, I was planning to buy and read that book!” he said, gesturing at the book I’m holding.

“You like this too?”

“Yeah!” My whole body shivered, my legs trembled as I saw a brilliant glint from his eyes. “Can I borrow it when you’re done?”

We exchanged glances and I urgently nodded. “I’m done reading it! You can have it.”

He curved his lips into a smile as I passed him the oh-so-miraculous book we both like. “Hmm… I’ll give this back right away!”

I agreed but replied nothing. My eyes just followed him as he went back to his seat, and his eyes focused at the book.

Then I released a deep breath of blissfulness I’d been holding for the whole time he’s near me. At the back of my mind, it felt divine that I didn’t bother myself thinking I slipped another good chance for confession.

The following days were extremely stressful because I kept on tumbling chances, and got no choice but to hug my arms across my throbbing chest, feeling sorry for my sluggish attempts.

I’m reaching out to give him the love letter, but it wasn’t his hand that snapped shut but mine! I want to tell him directly how much I like him, but it wasn’t his ear that flouted to hear me, because then again it was own lips that can’t talk.

I shut my eyes, turned around and walked towards the door to offer myself a chance to think and plan outside. “How can I give this to him?”

For a moment of silence, a certain voltage from my brain went down to my spine and traveled into my different senses, made me realize what I needed to do next. My eyes lit, I lifted myself up, straightened my shoulders and assumed, “That could work! I have to try!”

Braver now, I found myself at the lockers area. I expanded my eyes and blinked warily to check that I’m alone in this space. If someone catches me, I don’t really think I can afford the embarrassment and awkwardness.

Then I moved carefully toward Kyle’s locker, I drew in a bright pink note at the hole making sure it went straight inside. The note and the love letter are the same rose-scented paper that I love.

“Yes!” I exclaimed but I stopped myself with my left hand clapped to my mouth.

Dear Kyle,

                        Please meet me at the school garden tomorrow Friday, after class at 4PM. I hope to see you there.

                                                          –Your Secret Admirer

So impolite yet desperate as it may appear. I just had to do it!

The next day, Friday morning, I was again silent during the class. I knew Kyle got the note I left at his locker yesterday as I have seen him act so complicated about it.

The entire time he didn’t spoke to anyone and I stared at him a several more times, and I didn't worry he’ll catch me. I’ve seen him took the pink note out from his pocket, he stared at it for a while, and put it back to his pocket. After a couple of minutes, he would do exact same thing over again!

As the sun sets, together with the loud school bell announcing it’s the end of class, I told myself, “This is it!”

My heart pounded and without looking at anyone, I rushed outside and went straight to the school garden, hoping that Kyle would play his role of showing up. I’m dying to tell him how much I feel for him, dying to give him the love letter that elucidates my inner thoughts and desires.

The school garden spring out some weird yet romantic sensation, that made this the perfect spot for my confession. I inhaled too swiftly, and exhaled too gradually. I licked my bottom lip into a smile, getting ready for the most breathtaking moment of my love life. I cautiously hid at a corner, as I planned to surprise Kyle at my appearance later.

Then butterflies started to flap around my stomach as I revolved my head slowly at Kyle’s direction. He was walking nervously, and he mounted himself at the middle where his secret admirer could perceive him clearly. At a spot where I can see him clearly!

My patience snapped and I don’t want to miss another chance. My eyes shimmered at his direction and I gathered all my strength for this moment. I moved forward near him, our eyes met, and I can see the stunned facial expression of the man of my dreams.

I like you for a very long time Kyle. I wrote this letter for you. Please accept my feelings. Please go out with me. I can’t stop the screaming voice in my head.

But I stopped…

I stepped an inch backward. My lips twitched and I swallowed hard.

Another girl came into the picture. “Kyle.” Donna said with a smile so charmingly.

She is maybe the most beautiful, most popular girl in our school. The prettiest I’ve ever known. She came from behind, tapped Kyle’s back, he turned around and no one could blame him for shifting his focus on the beauty standing in front of him.

“Do.. Donna?”

Kyle is not looking at my eyes anymore, our connection broke, and I don’t know what else to do but to remain silent and hide myself again.

“What are you doing here?” Kyle stammered, his voice was soft. He’s visibly blushing.

“I followed you to tell you something.” Their voices barely audible but I can still understand their conversation. “I like you Kyle. I like you so much.” She bit her lips innocently, self-conscious yet fearless.

I studied Kyle’s face, and it’s clear he’s utterly flattered that he’s eyes flickered, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Please go out with me.” Then I saw him smile and it’s hard to admit that the smile wasn’t intended for me.

My eyes flooded and tears began to fall. I grounded my teeth in frustration, tilted my head to another bearing and made myself disappear in an instant.

I went running back to my classroom; my face was red with jealousy and anger. I checked the whole room to make sure I’m alone and I exploded. “If only I was a step closer!” Or if only I said it a long time ago.

It was too late. I’ m too late!

My heart burned, it sent twinges of discomfort to my very being. I sat on the floor, my knees curled up; I rested my head in my arms and cried like I never did before. I’m so miserable that the only thing I want to do is bury myself in the darkest, most gloomy part of this world.

Then the door squeaked open, I looked up who was it, then I froze straightaway.

“Larah…”

Kyle came, panting like he just ran after me. But to my displeasure, he took out something from his bag and bared me the book he borrowed. “I’m done reading it. Thanks!” He casually said as he went close to me, giving me the book back.

Was I imagining before that we locked eyes a while ago? That he saw me first at the garden?




Then I remembered Donna’s appearance. The fact that she’s way more beautiful, talented and popular made me feel so small about myself. That I’m no match against such loveliness, and that Kyle is more likely to date someone like her.

I was noiseless for so long that my heart is about to shatter through my chest. I rose up to my feet, and I moaned choosing my words carefully, “Thank you.”

I barely had the energy but I grabbed the book and turned my back at him. But as I swung around, the love letter slipped off my hand and the next thing I knew, Kyle was already holding it.

He intently studied it, “I received a note and the paper used was exactly like this.” He sniffed it and eyed me, “Same color, and same smell of a rose.”

Humiliation flowed down into every parts of my unsteady body. I tried to snatch it back but he hastily swiveled, and it’s so disastrous for my part. “Give it back!”

He looked down, ignored me and he started reading it.

“Please don’t!” I exclaimed, gasping real hard for air.

“Dear Kyle…” I choked as he read, “I never got the chance to personally tell you—” His voice is deep and indulgent, and I felt a thrill of horror.

“You like me?” Something slapped me hard at the face when he smirked. “You like me!”

I hushed, and this shouldn’t be easy. I had to escape now. “Yeah… I like you. But it’s nothing serious.” I uttered those words, and I was able to steal the letter from him. I crumpled it in my hand and threw it in the trash bin. Then I shut my eyes, and I hoped I didn’t sound as pathetic as I feel. “I’ll leave first.”

I walked away, and I’m in so much agony that it felt like I lost everything. Every step I made away from Kyle is a step to forget about him.

“Larah!” Am I hearing things? And strangely, I heard him coming towards me.

But it wasn’t just an imagination! He swung around and blocked me, reached for my hand, took a deep breath and said, “So that’s it?”

“You sent me a note; you wanted to talk to me…” His hand squeezed mine tightly. “I followed you here, you said you like me, and that’s just it?”

“How…” I stammered. “How are you sure it was me?”

Kyle is three feet taller than I am. “I know.” He moved closer, bent low his face so it was leveled to mine and he whispered, “I wouldn’t show up if I knew it wasn’t you.”

It was confusing and even though I allowed my thoughts to deliberate for a moment, I just couldn’t understand what he is trying to say.

“Don’t say things and treat me like this.” I mumbled terribly. “I might misinterpret you.”

“Larah! When will you notice that I may be kind to everyone, but I never treated them as special as I did for you?” What he said resonated through my soul. “I had to find ways to talk to you, just to be close to you but whenever I do, you’re always stiff. Like you hated me, like you don’t want it when I’m around.”

I’m chastened I didn’t know what to say that tears rolled down my cheeks again. “Even if you pushed me away a lot of times, it didn’t stop me from trying.”  I never wanted him to feel that way!

“I’m always looking at you...” Then memories drifted back during those times when I thought I was just imagining that he’s staring at me too. So it really happened? It really happened! “I fell in love with you a long time ago and since then, I never stopped loving you.” His voice, his words, everything is heaven on earth.

“Larah,” he whispered deep in my ear. “I even memorized your handwriting so when the time comes that you give me something like that…” He was referring to the note, or maybe the love letter, “… I’ll be able to show up.”

“Forget about the letter,” my voice faltered. “I…” After his surprising confession, I just realized something. “I realize it now that I don’t like you.”

Kyle didn’t answer a single word; instead he glided his arms around my waist and squeezed me tightly. “Kyle…” I released myself from him.

He shook his head and pleaded, “No Larah! Please… I love you!”

At that point, I snapped and turned my brown eyes at him. “I love you Kyle.” Because the word ‘like’ that I have been using all this time was never the best word to express how much he meant to me. That’s the reason I threw that letter, the reason why I can’t tell that I like him.

I postured and cleared my throat, and his eyes twinkled, mine as well. “And I love you too…” He arched his lips into a smile. “I love you so much.” And his smile widened.

He took my hand so I can press it against his handsome face, and my palms overwhelmed at the warmth of his cheeks. His smile flickered across his face, and then he released a deep sigh. “I’m glad we both do.”

I laughed, silently. He pulled me closer into his arms and I tiptoed forward. I can smell the scent of his hair and I’m blushing everywhere. Then his hands cupped my face, he took another deep breath and the instant I blinked, our lips rested at each other.

He embraced me closely, kissed me more and this time no more imagining. “No more staring from afar, okay?”

“Yeah.” I chuckled, and nodded twice. This time, I won’t settle with just dreaming and staring at him. Because this time, I can tell he’s mine.

:END:

>>>Please wait for "The Note: Kyle's POV"<<<